A Different Boat

It's amazing how you can see the same thing over and over yet miss the significance, but every once in a while the power of a symbol or moment nearly knocks you off your feet. For the last few weeks especially, I have been feeling this profound sense of dread towards the future.  I'm tired of (many aspects about) our situation in the present and the future looks like a lot more of the same.  It's like we're running a footrace of unknown length so there is no way to pace yourself and no markers to pass to remind you how much closer you are to the finish line.  We're just running, and running, and running.  And somewhere amidst that, I have lost my hope and replaced it with dread.  I dread the ongoing separation and isolation from our community.  I dread turning on the computer to "go" to church each week.  I dread questions from the kids about why they can't go the places they want with the people they want.  I dread Colby missing birthdays and ...

I periodically get the bug to write a blog again.  As I thought about a couple different blog ideas, I meandered over and started reading old blogs I've written and came to two conclusions. 1) I have grown tremendously over the last 8 years.  Reading my own words about my hopes, fears, and experiences over Wesley's lifetime so far, I can recognize a ton of learning and maturing that has happened in that time.  I know a ton about systems I didn't know even existed 8 years ago.  But more than that, I have had to wrestle with so many big emotions and challenges that I'd been spared from for most of my life up to that point.  I cringe a little to read the naivety in some of my posts and I wonder how I will look back at the words I'm now writing in 10 years.  I guess I hope I will continue to grow so I will be able to see the immaturity I have now through more wise eyes.  And hopefully can read with grace and kindness towards the person I am today. ...