A Different Boat
I periodically get the bug to write a blog again. As I thought about a couple different blog ideas, I meandered over and started reading old blogs I've written and came to two conclusions.
1) I have grown tremendously over the last 8 years. Reading my own words about my hopes, fears, and experiences over Wesley's lifetime so far, I can recognize a ton of learning and maturing that has happened in that time. I know a ton about systems I didn't know even existed 8 years ago. But more than that, I have had to wrestle with so many big emotions and challenges that I'd been spared from for most of my life up to that point. I cringe a little to read the naivety in some of my posts and I wonder how I will look back at the words I'm now writing in 10 years. I guess I hope I will continue to grow so I will be able to see the immaturity I have now through more wise eyes. And hopefully can read with grace and kindness towards the person I am today.
2)This isn't really Wesley's story anymore as much as it is about my experiences. Though it has pretty much centered around Wesley up to this point, I'm not sure that's what it will be as he continues to grow up. When talking about him as a baby or toddler, it seemed natural for me to be the one to share his story. As he's gotten older, it feels like it's more his story to share when/if he is able to or desires to. At this point, he still can't effectively share with us his thoughts, insights, and experiences, but they are still his, not mine. So, I decided to change the name and the look of this blog although all the old posts will remain intact.
So here's the first of the new posts on "A Different Boat." The name heralds from the phrase "we're all in the same boat" and the concepts from the book Same Lake, Different Boat which spoke to my heart by normalizing special needs parenting while acknowledging the inherent added difficulties it brings (you can read that post here).
As I think about my life thus far and even the current world circumstances, I'm struck by the differences in each person's experiences. I have spent a lot of time over the last 8 years feeling a need to find the child who was just like Wesley. It was as if finding someone whose child had the exact same struggles and outcomes would give some insight into our future that I couldn't otherwise know. But the reality I've discovered is there are lot of kids who are more impacted in some areas and less in others. There is a whole range of disability even within the same diagnoses but then combine that with differences in personalities and family structures and it becomes clear that there will never be someone whose experience matches ours perfectly.
The idea that we are all in the same boat implies our experience is all the same. In reality, even when presented with the same outward circumstances (like a global pandemic), the way we weather that storm depends on our previous experiences and our current life situation. We might be facing the same waves but some are on a sailboat, others on a cruise ship, or dinghy, jet-ski, yacht, canoe, speedboat, raft. Then some are experienced sailors while others get sea sick very easily. By trying to unite through equalizing, we so often end up minimizing individual experiences and the hardships that exist for everyone relative to their experiences and expectations. You can always find someone whose circumstances appear worse and someone whose circumstances appear better than yours but this game of comparing and judging more often leaves us feeling shame, guilt, pity, or some combination rather than unity, love, grace, and compassion for others and for ourselves. So lets take a moment and recognize the boat we are in and feel community by realizing we are surrounded by other people in their own boats but on the same lake.
So here's the first of the new posts on "A Different Boat." The name heralds from the phrase "we're all in the same boat" and the concepts from the book Same Lake, Different Boat which spoke to my heart by normalizing special needs parenting while acknowledging the inherent added difficulties it brings (you can read that post here).
As I think about my life thus far and even the current world circumstances, I'm struck by the differences in each person's experiences. I have spent a lot of time over the last 8 years feeling a need to find the child who was just like Wesley. It was as if finding someone whose child had the exact same struggles and outcomes would give some insight into our future that I couldn't otherwise know. But the reality I've discovered is there are lot of kids who are more impacted in some areas and less in others. There is a whole range of disability even within the same diagnoses but then combine that with differences in personalities and family structures and it becomes clear that there will never be someone whose experience matches ours perfectly.
The idea that we are all in the same boat implies our experience is all the same. In reality, even when presented with the same outward circumstances (like a global pandemic), the way we weather that storm depends on our previous experiences and our current life situation. We might be facing the same waves but some are on a sailboat, others on a cruise ship, or dinghy, jet-ski, yacht, canoe, speedboat, raft. Then some are experienced sailors while others get sea sick very easily. By trying to unite through equalizing, we so often end up minimizing individual experiences and the hardships that exist for everyone relative to their experiences and expectations. You can always find someone whose circumstances appear worse and someone whose circumstances appear better than yours but this game of comparing and judging more often leaves us feeling shame, guilt, pity, or some combination rather than unity, love, grace, and compassion for others and for ourselves. So lets take a moment and recognize the boat we are in and feel community by realizing we are surrounded by other people in their own boats but on the same lake.
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