Life in an Abnormal World
In my quest for books to support me in this journey I've ended up on, I found a book called Same Lake, Different Boat. It is written for Christians (particularly church leadership) to help them learn to minister to people with disabilities and their families. Although I am not necessarily the intended audience for this book, it has more profoundly impacted me than all the books I've read and I'm only on chapter 4 (I read the first chapter 3 times it was so good). I desperately want to plagiarize the first chapter here because I know I won't summarize it as well as she wrote it. Perhaps it won't be as profound of a revelation to you as it was to me (maybe it was just God speaking to me at that moment), but if it is, please buy the book (or read the first chapter on Amazon) to get the full impact.
Since Wesley was born, I've had these horrible conflicting emotions about disability. On one hand seems to be the perspective that disabilities are all bad and someone who is disabled is broken and in need of fixing (disability is an abnormal part of a normal world as the book puts it). This perspective is often encouraged by the church and validated using scripture but somehow rang false in my heart. I couldn't imagine my son growing up with the self image of being broken and needing fixed while being surrounded by all these "perfect" people. I've heard story after story from parents whose kids are older where complete strangers walk up and ask if they can pray for healing for their child. These parents mostly reacted with anger that someone would so boldly imply something was wrong with their child. I can't imagine the hurt their child would feel from a stranger telling them they need to be changed, the way they are is not good enough. So while I read scriptures of Jesus healing the blind and crippled, I find myself conflicted by the idea that my son needs to be fixed while everyone else's kids are perfect. That idea never sat well with me.
The reaction to the inherent falseness of the previous perspective is the opposite extreme that disability is totally normal and should be embraced. In the book she descibes this as if being disabled is part of our uniqueness just like having green eyes and brown hair might be (disability is a normal part of a normal world). As beautiful as this sounds, it also never felt true to me. No one wishes or prays to have a disabled child or to have a stroke so they can experience living with a disability. No one is envious of people whose children have disabilities. As amazing and supportive as our friends and families have been, not one has wished to be in my shoes (and I would never expect them to). We know that, although positives can come out of disabilities, in and of themselves a brain injury or genetic disorder is not the same as having blue eyes. This is not the way things were "supposed to be." Disabilities were not part of God's perfect creation.
For the longest time I felt torn between these two perspectives not feeling that either was true or fit with my experience with Wes and my belief in the Bible. Thankfully, in this book she presented a third perspective that rings true in my heart. Disabilities are a normal part of an abnormal world. What the previous ideas forgot is that our world is not how it was intended to be. With sin, our world became broken and flawed and in need of some serious fixing. It's not that people with disabilities are broken, it's that every single human being is broken. Yes Jesus healed people's physical ailments but He also emphasized that they needed spiritual healing as well (and He provided that). The fall, sin, has affected us all in many ways. We all experience it in our physical bodies (sickness and ultimately death), emotional struggles, and spiritual inadequacy. Some parts of our brokenness are more obvious to others and some are hidden deeper within but the brokenness exists in all of us. We all need healing. So it's not so much that Wes is broken and needs people to pray for his healing, it's that every single one of us is broken and in desperate need of healing. His brokenness may be more apparent to everyone he encounters, but that doesn't make him any more or less broken than you or me.
This understanding has lifted such a weight off of me and released me from so much anger and confusion. When people wanted to pray for Wes to be "normal" I fluctuated between being angry at them for implying superiority in wanting to fix him, to feeling guilty for not following the Biblical examples of prayers for healing. I now feel so much freedom to accept prayers (not seeking "normal" but seeking God's design for him). And if I am feeling particularly bold (or maybe I'll just dream of this since I'm generally not a bold person) I may respond with praying back that that person may be healed from their brokenness whether that be selfishness, alcoholism, pride, jealousy, or whatever else their struggle is that is easier to hide than Wesley's struggles.
See, we are all disabled in some way. Not a single one of us is perfect. We are all in desperate need of some fixing but thankfully our God is quite the handyman.
He is so precious!!!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has donated or bought Pampered Chef. We are extremely grateful, thankful and humbled by all your support!!!!!!!
Since Wesley was born, I've had these horrible conflicting emotions about disability. On one hand seems to be the perspective that disabilities are all bad and someone who is disabled is broken and in need of fixing (disability is an abnormal part of a normal world as the book puts it). This perspective is often encouraged by the church and validated using scripture but somehow rang false in my heart. I couldn't imagine my son growing up with the self image of being broken and needing fixed while being surrounded by all these "perfect" people. I've heard story after story from parents whose kids are older where complete strangers walk up and ask if they can pray for healing for their child. These parents mostly reacted with anger that someone would so boldly imply something was wrong with their child. I can't imagine the hurt their child would feel from a stranger telling them they need to be changed, the way they are is not good enough. So while I read scriptures of Jesus healing the blind and crippled, I find myself conflicted by the idea that my son needs to be fixed while everyone else's kids are perfect. That idea never sat well with me.
The reaction to the inherent falseness of the previous perspective is the opposite extreme that disability is totally normal and should be embraced. In the book she descibes this as if being disabled is part of our uniqueness just like having green eyes and brown hair might be (disability is a normal part of a normal world). As beautiful as this sounds, it also never felt true to me. No one wishes or prays to have a disabled child or to have a stroke so they can experience living with a disability. No one is envious of people whose children have disabilities. As amazing and supportive as our friends and families have been, not one has wished to be in my shoes (and I would never expect them to). We know that, although positives can come out of disabilities, in and of themselves a brain injury or genetic disorder is not the same as having blue eyes. This is not the way things were "supposed to be." Disabilities were not part of God's perfect creation.
For the longest time I felt torn between these two perspectives not feeling that either was true or fit with my experience with Wes and my belief in the Bible. Thankfully, in this book she presented a third perspective that rings true in my heart. Disabilities are a normal part of an abnormal world. What the previous ideas forgot is that our world is not how it was intended to be. With sin, our world became broken and flawed and in need of some serious fixing. It's not that people with disabilities are broken, it's that every single human being is broken. Yes Jesus healed people's physical ailments but He also emphasized that they needed spiritual healing as well (and He provided that). The fall, sin, has affected us all in many ways. We all experience it in our physical bodies (sickness and ultimately death), emotional struggles, and spiritual inadequacy. Some parts of our brokenness are more obvious to others and some are hidden deeper within but the brokenness exists in all of us. We all need healing. So it's not so much that Wes is broken and needs people to pray for his healing, it's that every single one of us is broken and in desperate need of healing. His brokenness may be more apparent to everyone he encounters, but that doesn't make him any more or less broken than you or me.
This understanding has lifted such a weight off of me and released me from so much anger and confusion. When people wanted to pray for Wes to be "normal" I fluctuated between being angry at them for implying superiority in wanting to fix him, to feeling guilty for not following the Biblical examples of prayers for healing. I now feel so much freedom to accept prayers (not seeking "normal" but seeking God's design for him). And if I am feeling particularly bold (or maybe I'll just dream of this since I'm generally not a bold person) I may respond with praying back that that person may be healed from their brokenness whether that be selfishness, alcoholism, pride, jealousy, or whatever else their struggle is that is easier to hide than Wesley's struggles.
See, we are all disabled in some way. Not a single one of us is perfect. We are all in desperate need of some fixing but thankfully our God is quite the handyman.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has donated or bought Pampered Chef. We are extremely grateful, thankful and humbled by all your support!!!!!!!
This is a great post, Megan! It's one of my favorites so far. And you're absolutely right, about everything. This has changed my perspective on disability and will change how I interact with people from this point on. Thanks!
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