Sometimes it's the Little Things

Sometimes it's the little things that keep you going day to day. You search desperately for something big and wonderful to happen and when it doesn't you have a choice to make. Either dwell in the sadness or look closer at the fine details to see the little wonderful things that are happening.
I was told when Wes was roughly six months old that most kids who can sit independently by age two can walk by five. At the time, I naively thought that would be no problem. He was gaining stability and getting closer to being able to sit all the time so I was sure within another year and a half he'd be sitting. I was encouraged that this meant Wes would most likely learn to walk and his physical disability wouldn't be that significant. Well, fast forward 14 months and he's still not sitting independently. And as much as I want to deny it, it drives me crazy that he can't sit. I imagine all the situations that would instantly be made easier by him sitting independently and wish he could sit and play like other kids half his age. But on further analysis, I think the main reason it bothers me so much is this timeline. I have in my head that if he has any chance of ever walking, he has to learn to sit by the time he's two. The clock is ticking and we now have only 4 months left and that doesn't feel like much time.

So I'm faced with a choice. I can either agonize over something I have very minimal control over, or I can look for the little things that remind me we're still moving forward. Yesterday, instead of fighting with Wes trying to get him to balance and build strength, I spent some time laying on the floor with him seeing the world from his perspective and playing with him where he is happiest and most comfortable. I entered his world instead of trying to force him into mine. And from that perspective, the little things come into focus. Wes is now much happier rolling onto his sides, his control of his arms has advanced tremendously, he can pull his head and legs up off the ground (what we call his Pilates move), he seems so much more aware of and interactive with the world around him, and on and on I could go. We have made a lot of progress these last 14 months but it has been a steady uphill climb, plodding one foot in front of the other, going at Wesley's pace not anyone else's.

For a long time if we covered Wesley's face he would just cry and get mad. He's now figured out he can uncover his face himself. Such a simple task but it shows us he is always learning.
So enough with the deadlines. We will keep moving forward for as long as it takes to enable Wes to do whatever he is capable of doing. For someone who likes plans that leaves a much too uncertain future. However, ultimately, I don't get to choose the future, I get to choose how I accept whatever comes our way.