It's all Relative

In highschool I found a song from Lifehouse called Storm that really spoke to me.  Anytime I had a bad day, I'd listen to this song and pour my heart out to God. . 

"How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be alright
I know everything is alright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And I know everything will be alright

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be alright
I know everything is alright

Everything's alright
Yeah, everything's alright"

Looking back and rereading the lyrics, I cant possibly imagine what I found so difficult in my fairly pampered middle class adolescent life to liken living to drowning.  And although I'm sure there was a great deal of me being an overly dramatic angsty teenage girl, this memory reminds me how deeply true it is that our experience shapes our view on reality. From the life that I had lived, as a 16 year old girl it truly was devastating that my boyfriend was going to basic training, my parents didn't come to church with me, I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, I got in a fight with a friend, etc.  I absolutely could have used some perspective but the reality is heartbreak is relative to your experience.  And the true reality is there is always someone worse off than you and someone better off. 

I slip into this mindset where I look around at my friends and I feel like my life is tremendously difficult.  As we get through another surgery and hospital stay followed by an ER visit just to start preparing for a bigger surgery in July all the while Colby is coming and going from military training, I am emotionally and physically exhausted.  And with exhaustion comes a tenancy to start pitying myself.  I start to feel like life is this big game of treading water just to keep alive rather than ever feeling like we are thriving.  Then I look over at other friends or read other stories online and feel like I am being a whiney teenager all over again as there are so many who are facing worse than us.  It's exhausting wavering between "We are so blessed" and "We are cursed".

I guess the moral of the story is this comparison game does no one any good.  I need to not judge the person who child started out like Wesley but is now developing normally as having suffered less or the family who never took their child home from the hospital as having suffered more.  Our suffering, our heartbreak is relative to what we have experienced and is neither diminished nor amplified by the experiences of others.  Comparison just brings guilt about our feelings.  All of our lives are mixtures of joy and sorrow, blessings and curses, laughter and tears in whatever proportion is allotted to us.  The truly important, defining moment is how we deal with those experiences.  Do we wallow, or do we get lost in the eyes of our Savior?