Miracle Grow

Wesley's growth has been a concern since he was about 1 week old.  Every baby looses some weight after birth but Wesley was barely back to his birth weight when he left the hospital at one month old.  When he was born, he was in the 28th percentile for weight but he Quickly started falling behind with everything he was going through.  We anxiously waited as the night nurses weighed him every day.  We'd cheer if he was gaining weight (even a few grams) but were discouraged if he lost weight.  One of the big requirements for him to go home was to regain his birth weight.  We started telling ourselves while he was in the hospital that his body was working so hard just to survive that it wasn't worried about growing or developing and that is why he was behind developmentally and weight-wise.  Well... since we left the hospital, Wesley's growth issues have not resolved.  A friend of ours very graciously let us borrow their infant scale so we can monitor his growth at home.  I'm glad to have it although I fear it has aided me in being slightly neurotic about his weight.  We see his pediatrician and dietitian at least once a month to discuss his calorie intake and how he is growing (he's been on 24 calories/ounce food since he was 3 weeks old compared to normal formula or breast milk which is 20 calories/ounce).

The positive side is that since we left the hospital, he has always gained weight.  The problem is... he is falling further and further behind the growth curve.  I know that growth curves are just averages and each kid grows at their own rate, but the mathematician in me is really bothered by where he stands.  Since he was 1 month old, he dropped from the 28th percentile to "below the 1st percentile."  That's not good but if he was at least following the growth curve (even better if he was catching up) we wouldn't be so worried.  The problem is, he is getting further and further behind where he should be.  His growth curve is increasingly below the "normal" curve.  That means that he is falling further and further below the 1st percentile despite his higher calorie feedings.  His body is no longer working tremendously hard just to survive so we were hoping he would have a dramatic growth spurt but none so far.  Here's his growth data plotted on the World Health Organization's growth chart.  The bottom thick blue line is the 2nd percentile...

Please be praying for this.  It's hard for him to develop the strength and skills he needs when his body is so small.  I don't really care if he is the "small kid" for the rest of his life but if he can at least maintain his percentile instead of dropping, that would show his body is functioning properly.

His growth curve for length is still below the 1st percentile but it is at least following the curve.  His growth curve for head circumference is nearly horizontal...  Last week I was talking to a couple of mom's at the Anchor Center and we decided we just need to share some of the head mass between our kids because both of their kids have head circumferences in the 97+ percentiles which is also a huge worry to their doctors.  Before Wesley was born, I was determined not to be the hypochondriac mother who over analyzed the data and every cough and sneeze.  Well, I've let that go out the window because I now feel part of Wesley's doctors' jobs are to check on anything I'm worried about and put my concerns to rest.  I'm trying not to be embarrassed to ask stupid questions or call the nurses hotline if I'm worried.  They can judge me all they want but I would rather be over cautious and trust my intuition rather than live with anxiety now and regrets later (and I now think every mom should be this way).


A friend of mine brought her grandchildren over today.  The 7 year old kept asking if Wesley could crawl, walk, eat baby food, etc. and I kept telling her he was still too little to do those things.  As her grandma looked at Wesley's formal growth charts, the girl decided to make this for me "so we could tell when he was grown into a teenager and a grown up."

It's funny how a little kid can make such a simple drawing that God used to touch my heart.  I desperately want Wesley to grow well but I also need to accept that he is unique and is still making progress even if it's not at the pace I want it to be.  It seems to be a recurring theme that us humans want God to work on our timeline not on his.  It's back to that knowing something versus feeling its truth.  I know that God's timing is best, but I'm still frustrated that Wesley's not growing along with "everyone else's kids."  As God continues to work on my heart, I will continue to be the crazy paranoid mom that calls my mom (who is a nurse) or the doctor's office over every little thing.