I'm Back
So the longer I wait between posts the more I procrastinate writing a post. I get overwhelmed with the idea that I must include every medical update, emotional struggle, or developmental milestone on here and so I do nothing (I might have a little bit of perfectionism in me). I'm trying to get past that and remember I started this blog to help me. So if I quit writing because I feel like this has to be a perfect record of this journey, it is not serving it's original purpose.
Tomorrow we have to be at Children's at 6:45am for Wes to get an endoscopy and sedated hearing test. In the near-ish future he will also need surgery on his thumb which we were hoping to schedule for tomorrow too so he only had to get one round of anesthesia. They amazingly were able to coordinate 3 teams of doctors and nurses but couldn't get an operating room so we'll have to do the hand surgery another day (the others can be done in a non-sterile procedure room). We're really hoping the endoscopy shows something abnormal (preferably something they can fix) so we can finally know why Wes won't eat and still throws up 2-4 times a day everyday. We've had so many test results come back normal when something obviously abnormal is going on. It feels strange to hope for "bad" results but I sincerely do at this point.
It also feels strange to not be worried about him going under anesthesia. It's in some ways a verification of the crazy year we've had with him that something that most "normal" parents would be so worried about seems somewhat routine. I'm stressed about the results we may or may not get but not about the actual procedures. But then the mind games come and I start worrying about not worrying. I've worried about nearly every appointment we've had and procedure that's been done since Wes was born. The last thing I wasn't worried about was his birth and that didn't turn out so wonderfully. So here I am, needing to go to bed so we can get up early to get to the hospital, feeling superstitious, worrying that my lack of worrying means something bad will happen.
Goodnight
Tomorrow we have to be at Children's at 6:45am for Wes to get an endoscopy and sedated hearing test. In the near-ish future he will also need surgery on his thumb which we were hoping to schedule for tomorrow too so he only had to get one round of anesthesia. They amazingly were able to coordinate 3 teams of doctors and nurses but couldn't get an operating room so we'll have to do the hand surgery another day (the others can be done in a non-sterile procedure room). We're really hoping the endoscopy shows something abnormal (preferably something they can fix) so we can finally know why Wes won't eat and still throws up 2-4 times a day everyday. We've had so many test results come back normal when something obviously abnormal is going on. It feels strange to hope for "bad" results but I sincerely do at this point.
It also feels strange to not be worried about him going under anesthesia. It's in some ways a verification of the crazy year we've had with him that something that most "normal" parents would be so worried about seems somewhat routine. I'm stressed about the results we may or may not get but not about the actual procedures. But then the mind games come and I start worrying about not worrying. I've worried about nearly every appointment we've had and procedure that's been done since Wes was born. The last thing I wasn't worried about was his birth and that didn't turn out so wonderfully. So here I am, needing to go to bed so we can get up early to get to the hospital, feeling superstitious, worrying that my lack of worrying means something bad will happen.
Goodnight
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